Drama Queen

When I was young ... before reality TV and before I knew what documentaries were ... I would sometimes fantasize that "they" were making a show about my life.  That I was just being followed around by some invisible movie camera because, of course, the world was infinitely interested in not just the daily life of a 9-year-old, but THIS 9-year-old!  Sometimes I would give interviews or just talk about whatever I was doing at the moment so my viewing audience could get a really good, inside glimpse into the phenomenon that was me.  And then I'd forget about it for a while ... weeks or months ... and when it occurred to me again, I would pick up right were I was, sure that it would make for a more interesting show if after a commercial break I was a couple of months older with different things going on.  You know, like "after the break ... will Laura actually get the basket for her bike for Christmas that she asked for at the beginning of the school year, or has she got other things in mind?" with a flashback of me pointing to someone riding a bike with a basket, then cut to a new, not yet seen clip, of me throwing a fit in the toy store over a Barbie.  Compelling, right?  I mean, wouldn't YOU want to know what Laura ended up getting for Christmas?

The good news is, I've outgrown that. I don't know how long I had that little imaginary thing.  Maybe a year.  I don't remember how it started or ended. But, I CAN say that it was over sometime before I was 11 because I remember telling a school friend about that fantasy and I hadn't been doing it for a while at that point.

Still, every once in a great while, I have a day that I think would make a fantastic montage.  Just a 30 second look at the highlights.  Quick video snapshots of the events. Yesterday was one of those.  I don't know why ... I mean, it was a pretty typical day, for the most part.  Nothing exciting that really stood out.  Maybe that's why it seemed like a good montage day.  When someone says to you "so, what did you do today?" and your typical answer is some variation on "oh ... nothing much.  Just the usual stuff" ... that's how my yesterday was.  But, if you break it down in 1 or 2 second pieces it gives it a different feel.  Less boring, maybe.

So ... here is my montage for January 25, 2011 ...

- me at the front of the kids' school, giving hugs and kisses, waving at their backs as they turn and run into the building (people often wave at other people's backs in movies ... guess that's one of those for-the-audience things),

- me slumped on the couch eating from a bowl off oatmeal that's resting on my belly, watching the previous night's DVR'd "Heavy" (I can't get enough of fat people shows!)

- me in the shower, blowing bubbles from between my fingers with soapy water,

- me checking my look in the mirror as I grab my purse and keys and head out the door,

- me all squished up in the mammogram torture camera machine ... looking completely dignifed, of course,

- me standing at the kitchen counter eating a peanut butter and Kraft American Cheese slice sandwich on a mini whole-wheat bagel, while also reading from the book The Hungry Years by William Leith,

- me standing at the school waiting for the kids to come out, freezing to death in my tissue paper thin shirt because when I stepped outside my door, it felt okay but the temperature dropped 20 degrees when I rounded the corner on the way to the school,

- me driving to the park with a couple of monkey children in the back seat hollering,

- me at the park where a 6-year-old Ted Bundy tries to "kill" me in the foot with his laser gun/stick in an attempt to steal away my Super Sheild producing log that I had confiscated from my own children before they beat each other with it,

- me driving home from the park with a couple of monkey children in the back seat hollering,

- me reheating Sunday's Papa John's for the kids while texting with one hand,

- the kids and myself huddled around the laptop, watching a green cartoon Gummi Bear gyrating about in his yellow Fruit of the Looms while singing "Blue" by Eiffel 65 on Youtube (it's a real thing ... I couldn't make that up),

- me chasing a half dressed Connor around the house with his jammies, trying to get him to put them on (actually, this didn't really happen.  In all truth, he had a really good night and did everything just as he was supposed to, including picking up his Legos ... but that doesn't really work in THIS montage.  I'm using creative license on this one),

- me drinking a cup of tea while playing Plants vs. Zombies,

- brushing teeth/washing face

- waking up on the couch where I had fallen asleep watching The Family Guy (the Blue Harvest episode ... great stuff.  I did record it, so I don't feel so bad about sleeping through it),

- crawing into bed and turning off the light at 11:30

All this while some super hip, popular dance song is dubbed over it.  Something fun like Dynamite or Raise Your Glass.  I don't know ... whatever you think works here with the music thing.  Afterall, YOU'RE the one with the visual in your head now. Just don't go lame with this part ... that could totally ruin the whole feel of the montage.

So, Laura ... what did you do yesterday?

Oh ... nothing much.  Just the usual stuff ...